Kill the Mary Sue!
by NefertariHime
Summary: Yet another humour fic. Three Megatrons - and one Antlers - is sent on an epic journey. *Evil laugh* (Third chapter uploaded; fear!)
1. In which we meet the Megatrons and Antle...

_Disclaimer: Hasbro's, not mine. _

Author's notes: I'm odd in that I thouroughly despise Mary Sues. Be assured that I don't mean original characters or skillfull self-insertions. Just Mary Sues, but boy, do I hate them. :D 

**Chapter I: In which we meet the Megatrons (and Antlers)**

There was a table. 

'Twas a round sucker, too. 

You weren't going to find any knights around this one, though, and definitely no King Arthur, however much each of the four robots seated there wished they could be kings of everything. It was their nature, y'see; you can't spell 'Megatron' without 'me', after all... 

So, yes. The largest robot seated there was grey and black, with an expression like one's grandfather after he's had too many beans and dammit if someone hadn't called dibs on the bathroom. This robot was also about as intelligent as a lobotomized gerbil, if you ask the author. He shall henceforth be referred to as Megatron I, because he regretably came first, and is therefore considered by some to be the best. Hah. 

The smallest robot seated at the table was a dazzling blend of royal purple, black, grey and cobber, and he wore an expression that might suggest that _he_ was the one to call dibs on the bathroom, just to annoy gramps. In the author's most humble opinion, he was not only gorgeous, but also very, very clever. He shall henceforth be referred to as Megatron II, since he undeservedly came second, yet is still considered _the_ best. Go, him. 

Moving on, there was another robot, who looked like pish-posh of robot parts, and he definitely looked more used to sitting on his rear than doing anything productive. He looked almost as stupid as Megatron I, too. He shall henceforth be referred to as Megatron III, because that's what he is, though he was originally called Gigatron, but that was by the same people who called that over-grown SUV Scourge Black Convoy, and though both names are dumb, Black Convoy rules supreme. 

And finally, there was an odd looking robot, coloured in splotches of army green, purple and black, with a strange gun contraption on his hips and - I shit you not - antlers on his head. His expression conveyed great joy and smugness as he looked over his rather spiffy sword. He shall henceforth be referred to Antlers, as the author feels like it. And because he doesn't like it. 

And they sat around the table. There was nothing else in the room, might I add, so they were also bored, except for Megatron II and Antlers, both busy being insufferably smug in the way only characters voiced by David Kaye can be. Why? Neither of the two others knew, which just made at least Megatron II all the smugger. Antlers was just smug about the Star Saber. 

"Why are we here?!" thundered Megatron I, fed up with Megatron II's expert _laissez faire_ smugness. "This... idiocy is intollerable!" 

Megatron III shrugged intelligently, nervously eying Megatron I's impressive cannon-- 

(_Fusion_ cannon! Getcher mind outta the gutter!) 

--hoping that the psychotic-seeming grey robot wouldn't start shooting. 

Antlers sulked a bit over his given name for the story and put the Star Saber down. "We're in a room. Anything more than that, none of us know." 

Megatron II tilted his head and smirked in that crooked way that just deserves a slap. 

Antlers gave him a mildly annoyed - but very polite, in that midly-annoyed-but-very-polite way that only characters voiced by David Kaye can do - look and asked, "Yes?" 

Megatron II smirked again, this time at Antlers, and said, "I believe we are actually in a conference room. You'll notice that, despite the round table, we're all facing roughly one way; in the same direction as there appears to be positioned a canvas." 

The other Megatrons looked vaguely perturbed and grumpy for not having noticed this, but Antlers nodded and conceded that yes, they did indeed appear to be in a conference room. 

Suddenly a door that not even Megatron II - though he wouldn't admit it - hadn't noticed slid open, admitting a lithe, white and green robot with no visible faction mark. He grinned flippantly. "Gentlemen. I am Sagacicous." 

"You are _dead_!" Megatron I all but screamed, lunging at the arrival - and passing right through him, knocking his bucket-shaped helmet even more flat on the wall. 

"That won't avail you," informed Sagacicous quite cheerfully, helping him up. 

Megatron II frowned intellectually, as he would never dream of frowning dumbly. "Might I inquire, Sagacicous, as to who you are and what your part is in this... setup?" 

"You may," said the green-tinted robot good-naturedly, leading Megatron I back to his seat. "I am the Gatekeeper." 

"The what?" asked Megatron III dumbly, blinking. 

"The Gatekeeper," repeated Sagacicous, smiling cheerfully at them all, "to the Matrix. I am, if you will, the Charon of the Cybetronian Styx." 

Antlers leant back, fingering his sword. "Are you saying we're dead?" 

The Gatekeeper's demeanour changed from mischivous to somber quickly enough to convince Megatron II that he was quite mad. "Oh, no, Megatron," at which Antlers beamed, "you are very much alive, but not for long if the Situation is not dealt with." 

The three Megatrons and Antlers looked first at each other, then at Sagacicous and echoed, "The Situation?" 

He nodded, crossing his slender, white and green arms. "Yes. The Situation." He turned and paced up to the canvas, flipping an invisible switch. "Gentlemen, if I may have your attention for but a moment." An image faded onto the canvas, and the three non-supernatural robots shuddered collectively. 

Megatron I asked meekly, though he was confident that he sounded... confident, "wh-who is that?" 

"Not who! _What!_" thundered Sagacicous in a way all three Megatrons and Antlers could only envy. "_This_ is the Mary Sue! Behold her carefully, my friends, for she will be your bane if you're not careful..." 

On the canvas was a figure of such beauty, such perfection that the boredom induced by her was plain disgusting. She was slender and beautiful by human standards, with oddly shaped wings, bearing every sigil the four leaders knew; her shapes and curves would've been beautiful if the three Megatrons and Antlers had been organic, but as it was they were all just wondering how on Cybertron she went about transforming. And... 

"Is her helmet broken?" asked Antlers. 

"No," said Megatron I, perfectly disgusted, "she has _hair_." And she did. A mass of wavy, bright silver, beautifully gleaming, thouroughly useless hair. 

"Why?" asked Megatron II puzzled. "And how exactly is this... freak of nature going to threaten us?" 

"She's not just threatening you, but the entire universe as we know it," Sagacicous sighed, flipping off the image before the shivering Megatron III could collapse under the influence. 

"Then why us?" asked Antlers. "Why not the," he frowned darkly, "Optimii?" 

The Gatekeeper looked sheepish, wringing his hands a bit. "Well... Primus and I agreed that you would be better, frankly, since the Primes - and Primal - are just too... sissy." 

A collective snort of amused agreement rose from the table, and Megatron II folded his hands on it. "Why is she such a threat? And more importantly, how can she be stopped?" 

Sagacicous gave him an earnest look. "This... creature is capable of turning each of you into a coward or, Primus forbid, a nice person. _That_ is how powerful she is." 

The four mechs shuddered a bit. "Can she do this to everyone?" quivered Megatron III, much to the annoyance of Antlers who was seated beside him. 

The Gatekeeper nodded most solemly. 

Megatron I rose and, slamming his fist into the table - scratching it with his edge of his fusion cannon, at which Sagacicous could be heard muttering, "You're paing for that." - he roared, "Then we must _stop her_!" 

Megatron II winced slightly and tapped his audio reciever to insure himself that he was not deaf. "Well, yeess, that's pretty much a given." 

Sagacicous beamed. "So you're all in agreement?" And before they could answer in the negative, as _some_ Megatrons undoubtedly would, he continued, "Splendid! You'll notice you have a new setting in your internal scanners; with these you can find Mary Sue in whatever dimension she is and follow. Primus speed, gentlemen!" 

And before Antlers could even twitch his antlers, the four had been sucked like so many bugs into a bike-riding kid's mouth into a dimensional portal. 

The green and white robot remaining sighed and bounced off to carry on his proper duties. Turned out another Optimii had just died, which made Sagacicous wish that they _could_ have sent the Primes - and Primal - since it would save him a lot of undue trouble with registration and paperwork. 


	2. In which Starscream gets a girlfriend

_Disclaimer: Hasbro's, not mine. _

Author's notes: Thankies for the reviews! Answering and responding and such is now lead by my own, until now unused, Mary Sue, Havoc! 

Havoc: ~Paces onto the stage and coughs, flicking organic wings a bit; mutters~ Don't think I haven't figured out that you sent me out here just to torture me, Neffy. A Mary Sue onstage in an anti-Mary Sue fic? Cute - very cute. 

(She turns to face the audience and smiles fixedly) 

Havoc: In response to, er... ~Checks script~ Albedo. First... ~Clonks Inferno over the head~ Siddown! ~Gets fried~ ... This is because I'm a Mary Sue, isn't it? Hmph... Anyway, Albedo, all the Megatrons - and Antlers - insist that they will indeed defeat the Mary Sue. Somehow this agreement turned into a fight. Don't ask how; just remember, they're all Megatrons. 

(She changes the scripts around, coughing up soot pathetically) 

Havoc: To Kristina, Neffy would like to respond that, "Yes. Yes, she is." ~Pause~ Hey... ~Growls and changes scripts once more~ As for VG's question, he is indeed the Megatron from Armada, but we all agreed Antlers was more fitting. ~Grin~ 

(Switches scripts again, frowning) 

Havoc: Lynx, first, Neffy tells me to thank you for helping her with the Mary Sue's name many times. Second, she tells me that G1 Megatron really is a fool, though she refused to say it when he held her at gunpoint. And third, on a completely personal point; wh-what exactly did you mean with them being thourough...? ~Nervous gulp~ 

(Switches once more, eyeing Lynx warily) 

Havoc: And, er... And Tremor, the Megatrons say that _they_ hope it won't work in the long term, because then Neffy might stop writing it; at which she laughed evilly and started mumbling something about the "Ring of Power", Balrogs, yellow-brick roads and "Dorothy"... ~Clears throat~ I don't want to know. And finally, to Talec, she says thank you very much and she will. ~Bows; gets pelted in tomatoes~ I hate being a Mary Sue... 

(She sulks off-stage) 

**Chapter II: In Which Starscream Gets a Girlfriend**

"Oh, Starscream!" AmbyrDestinyCristalWynd FyrewyngBladeStarRubee Darkfyre Deathfang BlackShadowklaw SunbryghtSylverTalyn, the Sparkstalker cried, throwing herself at the befuddled Seeker. "My love! How I longed to be in your arms once more, after that cruel tyrant Megatron--" 

"Which one?" pipes up the author. 

"--tore us from each other!" continued the Mary Sue, as if there'd been no interruption. "My darling! Never again shall I leave your kind, gentle embrace! Oh!" And with this she swooned, draping her excessive curves fetchingly over Starscream's arm, her sparkling silver hair sweeping towards the floor, getting the ends kind of dirty. 

Starscream blinked. "Er... Do I know you?" 

AmbyrDestinyYaddaYadda woke from her swoon only to cling tightly to Starscream's neck in a show of feminine dependence. "Oh, my loverboy! If it were not for vengeful Megatron's dirty lust for my hot, luscious, femme body we could've been together all these years! But fear not, my muffin! I shall take my revenge upon him, as a good, independent girlfriend of yours, for I will never be his queen!" 

Starscream struggled and gagged, "Y-you're cutting off vital supplies!" 

This the Mary Sue, of course, interpreted as her loverboy needing air - since the fact that they were both robots and did not need air had somehow escaped her notice - and instantly let go. "Oh, tragedy! I hurt all those I love, whilst fiends such as Megatron and Optimus Prime, both after my bodacious bod, go free! Truly, I am cursed..." And she hunkered down and started sobbing. 

Starscream blinked at her, then slo-o-o-owly began to edge away, thinking, _Primus, she's leaking. It's probably dangerous..._

Elsewhere... 

There was a _Whoosh!_ and a _Zoom!_ and a _Pow!_ and several other sound effects that would remind someone of cheezy old action cartoons. Amidst all this cheeziness, the three Megatrons (and Antlers) tumbled out of a dimensional portway. 

"Owwww!" cried Megatron III. "You all landed on me!" 

Antlers, who was reasonably well behaved for a Decepticon, quickly shooed the other Megatrons off and helped Megatron III up, whereupon he frowned and looked about, antlers drooping a bit. "Where are we?" 

Megatron I brushed off and stood proudly. "We're in the underwater base on Earth, under MY command!" 

"Ooh!" squealed Megatron II, bouncing about. "The Nemesis!" 

Megatron III gave him an odd look, then hurried over to the First who was grumbling something about the ship not being 'any damn Nemesis'. "So... Where is she?" He cowered a bit at the glare Megatron I gave him. 

Antlers sighed and clicked on his scanner. "Computer, scan mode 1690x; locate objective." A few whirrs and beeps later, the requested information scrolled across its screen. He nodded tersely. "I've found her. She's with Starscream." He blinked. "The first one, I mean." 

Megatron I would've rolled his optics if he could've, but he couldn't, so he didn't. "Follow me," he growled, storming off. "I can find Starscream in twenty clicks, and certainly before she gets away." 

Megatron III followed hurriedly and Antlers was close behind, dragging the still enthralled Megatron II. "Yes, yes, it's a big ship named Nemesis. It's pretty, we get it; now move it!" 

Meanwhile, on the set of the Soap... 

"Oh, I understand why Starscream pushes me away! I am, and have always been a danger to all around me, especially those I love..." Sniffle. "It's a curse!" 

Thundercracker fidgeted uncomfortably, him and Skywarp having been kidnapped from a cheerful game of 'kill the baby' to be forcefully subjected to FyrewyngBladeStarRubeeBlahBlah's wailing angst. 

"But," sniffle-hiccup, "luckily I have you, my two dearest friends - and brothers - to help me. Ohh...!" She hugged them both tightly, crying wetly and noisily into their shoulders. 

Skywarp blinked at a disgusted Thundercracker. "Dude... We're brothers?" 

The other Seeker shrugged helplessly, trying to free himself from the femme. "I dunno. I'm more worried about our supposed sister, though..." 

At another location... 

Starscream took a deep, relieved breath and leant back against the wall of the broom closet, positive that he was safe. That strange creature that had appeared out of nowhere had stopped following him after a while. No one could find him in here; absolutely no-- 

"Hello, Starscream." Megatron I caught him by the throat and squeezed. "Where is she?" 

Starscream boggled first at his commander, wheezing a vague, negative sound, then at the three strange robots that accompanied him. 

The one with the antler things on his head blinked. "Wow. He kinda looks like my Starscream, though not as gay." 

"We're robots, we can't be gay nor straight," sighed a small, purple mech. "In fact, I don't think we should even know the meaning of the terms." 

A somewhat spooked looking, winged Transformer stepped forward and swallowed. "Erm, Megatron?" 

The three other robots capable of speaking blinked and said, "Yes?" at which Starscream boggled further and Megatron III - if this had been a visually oriented fanfic - would have sweatdropped. 

"No, I meant the first one." 

"Yes?" growled Megatron I. 

"I think you're killing him," offered Megatron III meekly, gesturing at Starscream. "We might need him." 

Megatron I glared, but grudgingly released the Seeker, who in turn could only watch in stunned silence as the antlered Megatron smugly reminded his own commander that he'd claimed he'd find Starscream before the 'creature' could leave him. Starscream then felt a poking at his thigh and looked down at where the small Megatron was examining him. "Hey, stop that!" 

Megatron II blinked up at him, looking almost accusatorial. "You're alive," he concluded testily. "I am not pleased with these developements, nooo..." He turned to glare at Megatron I, kicking him in the shin. "You lost her, you bucket-headed buffoon! This nutball is no use to us!" 

Cried Megatron I, "Ow!" more so in shock than in pain, and lifted the smaller mech up at eye level to glare. "You do _not_ kick me; I don't care how much my namesake you are!" 

The Predacon smirked smugly and angled a kick at his nose. "You were saying?" 

Cried Megatron I again, "Ow!" dropping Megatron II. "Why, you little--!" He started chasing the smaller Megatron around the closet at which Starscream could only boggle. 

Antlers facepalmed. letting Megatron III try to stop the other two. "Terribly sorry about that," he told Starscream, "It's the stress." 

The Seeker blinked warily at him, jumping as the two Megatrons raced past again. "The stress of what? What exactly are you looking for? And why are you picking on me?" 

The fourth Megatron tilted his head, thinking for a second. "Of the Mary Sue. We're chasing this creature to stop her. And the same reason she's picking on you." 

"... You lost me," Starscream informed him. "The Mary Sue?" 

Antlers sighed and tripped Megatron I which elicited snickers from both Starscream and Megatron II. "Yes. She's a creature unlike any other. She's perfect, disgustingly so, noble, strong and able to bend your character completely out of shape. She's also supposed to be beautiful, but... I think she looks kinda lumpy. And she's got some useless hair instead of a helmet." 

Starscream's optics widened. "Oh, _her!_" He nodded frantically. "I've seen her. Can you really stop her?" 

"Fear not, citizen!" broke in Megatron III nobly. "We shall vanquish this fiendish creature easily!" 

The two other Megatrons, Antlers and Starscream all looked oddly at him, silence reigning; until Megatron II kicked him over the shin. "Bloody lunatic sounds like a Maximal..." 

"Oww!" whined the six-changing - not to be confused with sex-changing, no matter what rumours Scourge had been spreading - robot, holding his shin. "That hurt!" 

Megatron II snarled something about that fact being good and sulked horribly, crossing his arms. 

Megatron I ignored the commotion, glaring at Starscream. "So you know where she is?" 

Starscream glared back, feeling slightly safer now. "No; but I can find her. Or more accurately, she can find me." He smirked smugly, at which Antlers and Megatron II both automatically smirked smugly as well. "So you can't very well hurt me, _leader_. The wimpy Megatron's right; you need me." 

Ignoring Megatron III's hurt, "Hey..." Antlers smacked Megatron I on the back, cheerful. "I like your Starscream better than mine! He's clever!" 

Megatron II chuckled and agreed before Megatron I could respond. He then hurried over, clambering up Starscream's much larger frame, to the Air Commander's disgusted surprise. "You must lead us to her, yeess..." he told the Seeker, placing himself comfortably before one of the large air intakes. "And kindly soon. Every moment she's alive the universe is more at danger..." 

They all stood in silence, then, letting the gravity of the situation wash over them. 

"Wow, that was really dramatic!" beamed Megatron III. "Did you see that in a movie or som-- Ow! Quit it! OW!" 

_To be continued in Chapter III: In Which the Mary Sue is First Confronted._


	3. In which the Mary Sue is first confronte...

_Disclaimer: Hasbro's, not mine. _

Author's notes: Yet more reviews! Ahh, yeess... Here is Havoc to, once again, respond (and this'll be a long one; just skip down if'n you're not interested). 

Havoc: ~Being pushed on-stage~ No, no! I don't want to! Don't you understand?! Out there are Mary Sue hating people! **You can't do this!** ~Freezes, blinking at the audience~ Oh. Aheh, hi... 

(She nervously looks through the reviews) 

Havoc: To Maelstrom Neffy would like to extend her gratitude, and the same to Talec. Thank you both for the nice reviews. 

(Changes page, nervous) 

Havoc: To Albedo, she would like to also say thank you. And, er... as a personal request, could you please not say talk about killing Mary Sues? ~Ducks thrown tomato~ Guess not... ~Gulp~ 

(Next page) 

Havoc: To Crazomatic, **Megatron I** would like to extend his gratitudes, and Neffy does the same reluctantly. She accuses you of having no taste, but again, she refused to say it with Megatron I's fusion cannon at her head. She does say, though, "Seriously, m'glad you liked it." 

(Switches pages again) 

Havoc: To Tremor she would like to say thank you and also, and I quote, "Heheh, I know that..." She refers to Megatron I's muttering after Megatron II named it the Nemesis. 

(Changes scripts) 

Havoc: To Ashes, Neffy says, again, thank you muchly, and she informs me that your original character is bordering on Mary Sue-ness, from what little she knows, but can very easily be saved. 

(Flips sides) 

Havoc: To MJ, she tells me to tell you that it's 'you' not 'u', and she won't pay anything because she's quite broke. Also, that she thinks Megatron II is much, much cooler than Megatron I for the simple fact that one of Megatron I's masterplans involved building a giant blue griffin, and that he never managed to kill Optimus Prime without being dumb enough to get thrown out of Astrotrain by Starscream. ~Cowers~ Her words! Hate the message, not the messenger! 

(New script) 

Havoc: And finally, to Lynx, she says thank you and that you're quite welcome to lead the hunt on Mary Sues. ~Whimper~ Though I, personally, plead that you do not. Please? ~Blink~ Wait; I can do 'cho momma' comments? Hah! I can! I am powerfu-- ~Gets pelted in vegetables~ I hate you all... 

(Sulks off stage) 

**Chapter III: In Which the Mary Sue is First Confronted**

It was but a quick romp through the base, and a run-in with a very traumatised Thundercracker trying to dry off a very soaked Skywarp, later that they came across the clearest trail of the Mary Sue yet. 

Megatron II wrinkled his tyrannosaurus snout and transformed, disdainfully picking up a long, shimmering hair. "I hoped it had just been thin wires, but it both looks and smells organic." 

"So she did go through here," grumbled Megatron I, vaguely disgruntled for the simple fact that _he_ had insisted she'd taken the right hallway, while the others thought the left, including-- 

"I _told_ you so, _leader_," Starscream informed him gleefully, arms crossed, "but you never listen to me, after all, even when I'm obviously right." 

"The only thing obvious about you is your incompetance," Megatron I shot back, glaring. 

"Look who's talking, mr. I'll-build-a-gun-on-a-hill-and-kill-everything-in-a-fifty-feet-radius-hoping-it'll-make-me-cool. You couldn't even--" 

"You know, if you just shut up, maybe--" 

Antlers and Megatron III were watching the two in silent awe. 

"That's the twentieth time in thirteen minutes," Megatron III said numbly, shaking his head and looking even more dumbfounded than usual. 

Said Antlers thoughtfully, "I think they enjoy it." 

"Yes, yes, it is all most impressive," sulked Megatron II, perturbed that his spotlight had been stolen. "However, we're doing a job here." He held up the silvery hair to remind them. 

"Ah, yes, of course," Antlers conceded smoothly, stepping between the Seeker and the gun-bot-- 

"Gun-bot," giggles the authoress childlishly. 

--and giving them both a stern look. "Listen, I know this is what you two do for fun, but really, we have more important concerns. We still need to find and catch the Mary Sue." He recieved two poisonous glares, but they stopped. 

"Now which way do we go?" asked Starscream, planting his hands on his hips petulantly. 

"Think like the Mary Sue for a moment," murmured Megatron II, wandering about, uncharacteristically oblivious to the attention the much-larger robots turned on him, "and so far she's been annoying only the most prominent persons." 

"I wouldn't call Thundercracker and Skywarp prominent," chuckled Starscream coldly. 

Megatron I, catching on properly for once, said, "But they're prominent through their connection with you. So we need to find high-ranking or special Decepticons in order to find her." 

Megatron III looked very impressed by this massive show of intellect and blinked. "Reflector?" 

As the six-changing robot cowered from the disgusted look of the others, Megatron II continued mumbling to himself. "I'm at an advantage since the most prominent Decepticons are the most told-about legends of my time, which means..." 

Antlers' awe at the silent glaring fight that had spontaniously errupted between Megatron I and Starscream was interrupted by a triumphant, "Eureka! Soundwave!" 

"Soundwave? Huh?" Megatron I asked, looking around confused. 

"That's where we'll find her!" claimed the smallest Megatron, beginning a climb up Antlers. "She seeks out those of importance, I think, simply because she doesn't know the minor Decepticons well enough, due to lack of research." He settled on Antlers' shoulder, leaning slightly against the large tread there. "Either of you fossils lead the way. Tally-ho!" 

Megatron I gave him a Glare of Death_(TM)_ while Starscream merely looked heavenwards and started off. "He's probably in his laboratory or something. This way." 

They made their way through several more scenes of chaos, including Dirge in a state of severe shock, Hook looking oddly blue and muttering about lunatic Seekers, Dead End trying to pry Wildrider off a waterpipe and Ravage mewling and slashing at the pink bows adorning him. After laughing for a few minutes, the Megatrons, Antlers and Starscream finally deigned to help him free. Then they moved on to Soundwave's lab where the found... 

"Can I see what that does? Huh? Huh? Can I? Please?" This was followed by a sickingly sugary smile which the Mary Sue actually seemed to believe would work. 

"No," answered Soundwave levelly with more patience than anyone else would've been able to muster in a normal situation, let alone with a creature of pure horror. 

"Oh, c'mon, don't be such a geek," sighed AmbyrDestiny in a wording so different from before that Starscream boggled. 

The five mechs at the door snapped out of the frightened stupour and stepped inside. 

"Mary Sue!" roared Megatron I, causing everyone else to jump and Soundwave to drop a vial of acid. They watched silently as it ate through the floor. 

"Good going, leader," informed Starscream smugly. 

Megatron I glared, then winced as a yelp of pain sounded up through the hole. "Sorry, Vortex," he called sheepishly. 

"Bastard!" sounded back in a pained wail. 

Megatron I tried to regain what little dignity he had and glared at the Mary Sue once more. "As I was saying, we're here to stop you!" 

The beautiful Seeker struck a dramatic pose, flicking her hair artistically; then pouted when it was obvious that this behavior was totally lost on the six other robots in the room. "So you think you can just take me? I think _not_, fiend! For truly, Starscream, my studmuffin will protect me!" 

Said studmuffin gagged, "The Pit I will!" 

"And besides, you should be able to defend yourself," mused Antlers, keen for a strategic advantage. "Shouldn't you?" 

She ignored him and wailed heartbrokenly. "Oh, horror! Megatron has brainwashed you, my love, so that you turn from me!" 

"No! He's too thick," exclaimed Megatron I. 

"Besides, I don't know how to brainwash," Megatron III informed her politely. 

Megatron II muttered something under his synthesized breath and took off to hover at eye-level with AmbyrDestiny. "Listen, you, I'm in no mood for these silly theatrics, noo. Now you come back quietly, or you come back in pieces!" He looked blissfully unaware of the fact that this threat held little ground from a ten-foot purple robot to a ca. thirty-foot pastel Seeker. 

... Well. Maybe it did. Pastel, after all, does little in the way of intimidation. 

The Mary Sue glared and swatted at him. "Go away, little thing! I've no time to-- _Aigh!_" she screeched, trying to loosen the suddenly beast moded Megatron II's jaws on her hand. "Pest!" 

"Get her!" called Antlers, and in a flash the other robots piled on AmbyrDestiny and her small tormentor. 

There was general chaos and hair-pulling - which, might I add, they all took a little too much pleasure in - Megatron II managing to slip out of the pile, winded. 

"Primus all mighty..." He watched as the two Megatrons, one Antlers, one Starscream and one Soundwave all fought to keep the silver haired creature subdued, but she fought like... well, a girl. Megatron II sighed. "How can she even get into this universe? She can't even fight properly." 

"Ow!" cried Megatron I. 

"Oh, sorry about that, leader," came the response, sounding not at all sorry. 

"The Mary Sue, you idiot; hit the Mary Sue!" 

"How are we supposed to restrain her?" sounded Megatron III's panicked voice. 

"Just knock her out!" growled Antlers, reasonable as always. 

"You _fiends!_" counted AmbyrDestiny, kicking Soundwave in the face mask. 

"Of course we are! We're Decepticons, for crying out loud!" Starscream hissed at her, trying to keep her still. 

Megatron II snorted, "Speak for yourself," and leant back against the wall to watch. 

"O, great powers above!" cried the Mary Sue suddenly, reaching one straining and trembling arm to the skies. "Save me and hold me, transport me to the nearest safe harbour in thee name!" 

"_Thy_ name, _thy_! Why the hokiness, anyway?" growled Megatron II, suddenly vigilant. "And it's not a clever thing to call those greater than..." He trailed off, spotting the swirling vortex suddenly appearing in the ceiling. "Watch out! She's--" 

_**FWOOM!**_

There was a long pause. "She... She's gone," Megatron III said, blinking. 

"Grargh!" Megatron I swung around his gun arm, sending Starscream sprawling by instinct, and blasted a hole in the wall. "Where did she go?!" 

Confused answers greeted him as they all looked around in desperation. 

_"She's more powerful than I could have imagined,"_ a strangely distorted voice said. 

They all spun to face the shimmering, ethereal image of the Gatekeeper. 

_"She has traversed time, space and dimension,"_ Sagacicous informed them. _"I did not think she'd have such power."_

Antlers suddenly blinked out of his stupour and grinned. "Oh, well, we lost her. I think that means we're off the hook!" The other Megatrons cheered, for once looking all pleased. 

Sagacicous scowled. _"Not so fast, antler boy."_ Antlers sulked at the nickname. _"I'll give you the power to follow her. You will not stop until you find her and catch her. Good luck."_ And in the blink of and eye, the three Megatron, Antlers and the apparition disappeared, leaving Starscream and Soundwave behind in a rather dishevelled laboratory. 

They stared at each other. "We didn't see this," Starscream informed the communications officer. 

"See what?" asked Soundwave innocently, then turned back to his vials. 

_To be continued in Chapter IV: In Which Our Heroes Trek to Ancient Earth._


End file.
